Mental

April 5, 2007

they come in large amounts
Born in my mind
For all eternity it counts
Making everyone who tries blind.
Everything wants to enter the gates
You can't see any of them
I can feel it as it dissipates
Into my mind which shines like a gem.

No one knows how it feels
Fighting and warding off the eels
Of the demonic world that wants to go hither,
Only the Son can smite them, making me light as a feather

There's that girl who sits on my frontal lobe,
Making me blind to the rest of the globe,
How does it change so fast?
Jumping forward to forget the past?

I'd like to walk away,
forget everything she thinks we had,
Come back to the world and play,
And get rid of the things that make me mad.

Talk to the right girl and forget the wrong,
She still exists when I wished she did not,
She might've liked me, but not for long,
In the middle of good and evil, I feel caught.

These secret things stay secret
Why they stay covered,
I don't know, it's like a blanket,
In and out in and out, it never ends.

In the middle of my expression
I told you a deep confession,
I don't know why
I wish I could sprout wings and just fly

So many cares, so many burdens
I lift them up to You O Lord,
So my greatest fears can't take over
And make me mental.

One More to Drown My Sorrow

October 26, 2007

Why does such an emotion exist?
Birthed out of what seems so great,
Suffocating me with what I must resist
Such an emotion I hate to contemplate

I had Happiness before
It comes and goes as it pleases,
Make up your mind instead of going through the door,
I only feel you as October breezes.

Do you want my heart or not?
I cut my chest so you don't have to rip,
Opened wide, I'll give you a free shot
Stop staring and take it, just don't slip.

You leave me here to die bleeding
After I ripped my heart out for you,
All you had to do was respond to my pleading,
But you stepped on it with a spiked shoe

Now I wrestle this thing called sorrow
While the joy of my spirit I've tried to preserve,
I question happiness's existence tomorrow,
Is it truly something I deserve?

Love, Passion, Purpose (sonnet form)

You are significantly far away,
And yet you are so faithful to my heart.
Would you restrain my spirit's disarray?
And keep my mind from falling far apart?

Is actu'lly our spirit torn asunder?
I know we are not always close together,
Inside it brews a heartbeat loud as thunder.
I'd walk a thousand leagues in beastly weather.

I know these facts shan't cause me any pain,
I hear your voice, a sonnet in my mind.
You are so beautiful, 'tis hard t' abstain.
This maxim does me torture of a kind.

My heart so burns, intensity like fire,
The bonds we share, superior desire.


So much thinking... not just emotional thinking though, like smart thinking. First this was just some emotions about love that i wrote as an unorganized free-form poem. then, i got an assignment to write a sonnet from my teacher. so i sat there, thinking of what to write about. I was just sitting there... for a couple hours before i said, "hey! why not tranform one of my own poems into a sonnet? Genius! that way I can see what my thoughts look like when they're organized Shakespeare style!" Maybe i didn't exactly sound like that, but you get the picture. and plus it would sound better to the person it was intended for. Yeah, it was home work, but If I hadn't received this assignment, my poem would lack that Shakespeare spice... wtvr.
As for my Sonnet,
I got an A-... gosh.
i know it's not bad,
but i was just so into this project, and excited.
I'm cool with the grade i got.

Darkside

Fight me like a man!

May 9, 2007

All these years you've been hiding

Deep within my thoughts, you've been abiding

You're a liar, deceiver, and you're part of me

I'm going through my journey until I am set free

From your tyranny attempt over my life

I though I could trust myself,

I guess I was wrong

Why don't you listen to what I say?

All you do is fight and wrestle with thoughts

Roaring like a lion, but God's word will keep you at bay

You see a wound and take out the blood clots

You need a new trick

You'll never hurt me

My Lord will tame you

My Lord will convert you

So my life will be made Holy

And His purpose will bee fulfilled

Amen

Should've been Blue

Septemper 18, 2007

It was right in front of me
Why couldn't I see it?
Blinded by teenage love
Or was it teenage hormones?

I pursued it so passionately
With what I though was right
That's exactly the problem
"With what I thought"

It should've bee "what God thought"
I was too naive to notice
But some things must come to pass
If I ever want to learn

Help me help her, O Lord
I don't want to lose sight
Of my original assignment
With you, all things are possible

I still have a Hope
Your Will still yearns
In the core of my spirit
Make me your Servant
Amen


...damn it...

Love, Passion, and Purpose

You are so close to me
for a time I almost forgot
yet you seem even closer now
what keeps my eager spirit at bay

simply the thought of being with you

Are we so separate?
I know we're not always together
I know I can't always see you
But what does that mean?
When I can feel you within my heart

You are so close
Your voice,
A sonet whispered in my ear
You are so glorious
I see you in my sleep

You are always with me
Your in my mind, my heart, my soul
I keep you in the safest place
more than just a thought
a hope, my strength, the light shining within me

I've been out for a while
A cold and naked whick
You've brought fire back to me
New energy, placed in the core of my spirit
A rekindled flame

Now, I burn
More intense than before
Not with anger, or hatred
But with passion, desire, hunger
I will not be stopped


At this moment in time
I pray Lord God,
That I may be guided
along your path to success
don't let me miss my victory
Keep me set on my purpose
You've planned so perfectly
I am your servant
May you be served well
Amen

Self Rivalry

May 5, 2007


The enemy everywhere I look
Where are those who I call friends?
Make like friends to put the sucker on a hook
To their persuasive words, the will bends
Did I lose them all, even in myself?

No one to look to, or to reach out and grab
Believing everything I say is true
Once I turn my back I feel a painful stab
I look back to find it is someone new
It is my own mirror image, in the flesh

I can’t be so pliant to the thoughts of man
The thoughts of man only deceive
I will only bend as hot iron to God’s plan
When I ask of man what do I receive?
Nothing

I am Man as well with all the weaknesses
Trust from me doesn’t even belong to myself
When darkside sees God’s wrath, he confesses
But dishonesty brings the opposite of wealth
Get away with it now, die later

All are born as their own enemy
Mind and body work together for my demise
Only my Creator can bring me to serenity
While I leap into darkside’s compromise
Lord Saboeth, avenge me of myself

Ignorantly asking for the enemy to die
When we do not realize the reality
That we ourselves aren’t the best ally
It isn’t always the Devil’s ways of faulty
He has already been defeated

Christ’s blood saved me from Satan
My job is to defuse my darkside
Although I will need help
From He who is most capable
Thank you, Abba Jehovah


Luckily, I recorded when I originally wrote this one. At this point in my life, I was really... um, fighting with myself or struggling, between me(good) and me(bad). No, I'm not crazy, I was just on the edge of two deciscions, two paths for my life. And now I don't want to tell you anymore so that's it.

Unknown Departure

It was a good thing for a while
maybe it would've lasted
but it was murdered, maybe too soon

It could've survived if it wanted
but the pain was too much
so death looked much friendlier

the impending doom began in a great act
of how it wanted to show it's feelings
shot down in it's act, a fatal wound

It was a good thing for a while
maybe it would've lasted
but it was murdered, maybe too soon.


This is just a kinda random thing. not too much meaning, just some thoughts.

An old poem

Traveling Bride

A dusty road to almost nowhere,
the woman in a white dress walks,
she breathes only clean air,
the spectating crowd only talks,

Her sparkling eyes see to the end of the trail,
no one picks up her tail, so it drags,
the crowd cheers for her to fail,
to her sides enemies wave their flags,

They mock her, because she believes,
that her Groom waits at the end of the road,
and once she gets ther, gone will be her grieves,
her Groom will take off the heavy load,

In her hands are the white roses,
with red like that of her Grooms Blood,
she watches close relatives wiping their noses,
as she prays for them to receive the flood.



I wrote this over a very long period of time, almost a year. I'm not sure whether to add to it or not. But it's here for you to read and try to figure out the meanings.

Spirit Fire: Holy Spirit Fire, growing in my own

March 31, 2007

Where is my Spirit?
Why can't you see it?
How can I show you?
My Spirit is part of me too.

A flame deep within me,
the burning which holds the key
To my inner most thoughts
Shared with no one they come in lots.

Where my true genetics lie,
You can see in the depths of my eye.
Driven by purpose from above
Fitting together like hand to glove.

Set on fire at birth
Although small, very capable of dominance
I learn not to be overwhelmed but to conquer on earth
And become comfotable delivering ordinance


a poem that i felt explained my inner spirit to a certain degree.